Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 15, 2017

Keep It Moving . . . Keep It Moving . . .

Today, I’m sick. Allergies turned into a sore throat with a cough, so part of me wants to use food to coat my throat and comfort my sluggish and mopey self. That part of me is the same worn-out self which coaxes me to break abstinence and lie about it, since I am sick today.

I may be sick, but I don’t also have to be weak this 24 hours.

So, for those looking for ESH (experience, strength, and hope) and Good Orderly Direction (without the personal patriarchal capitalized pronouns) to read? Try AAAgnostica.

I hope some day that I can link to an OAAgnostica organization, but I’m grateful today that I’m neither alone as an atheist/agnostic 12-Stepper nor alone as a compulsive eater nor alone as both.

Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 14, 2017

The Trigger-Food, Emotional Minefield Called Valentine’s Day

So today is what I consider earns special mention as a Holiday Eating Season day despite being weeks past the official Halloween-to-New-Year’s-Day eating season. For a compulsive eater who has to set confectionery on a trigger-foods list, nowhere is safe.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 13, 2017

Looking Forward to Practicing HALT Again Today

Okay, so for those who are still trying to get into the acronyms and initialisms of program, HALT is an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It’s a powerful tool in the 12-Step arsenal. When I feel triggered to act in compulsion (no matter the compulsion), I can stop and consider:

  • Am I hungry?
  • Am I angry?
  • Am I lonely?
  • Am I tired?

If I say yes to any of them, I know it’s a day which needs more attention to keep me from breaking abstinence.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 12, 2017

My Gratitude For Today Is That It’s One Day at a Time

I’m also grateful that people shared in the comments section of my previous entry, too. There’s a profound loneliness at times, one I think is shared between most (if not all) of us. That sense of isolation–be it our own choice or others’ choice–is . . . well, it’s painful. It also is life-as-written. Accepted as fact. The way that it is, and nothing but a miracle can change it.

The hard part was looking back at the 22 July 2017 entry: Brutal. Oh, and the people who showed up to offer experience, strength, hope, and so much COMPASSION . . .

That 24 hours was a bad 24 hours. A lot of them were.

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People don’t appear to be in a reading mood for my new entries. It’s all right. I’m not much in a writing mood, so I’m not bothered.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 2, 2017

A Day at A Time in the Relapse-to-Recovery Life


This morning I wanted to get up and weigh myself, in hopes that I magically lost a lot of weight since I started eating 24 hours at a time. Having lived this before, I know it’s a process. The first time around, I recall having the diet mentality as well. I wanted to reach a goal weight in days, not appreciating that it took time and commitment to program and to this new way of eating.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 1, 2017

Another 24 Hours

As I prepare to go to bed with my 2-quart bottle of water, I have reached another day of food abstinence.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | January 30, 2017

Tromping Toward 24 Hours

I’m holding to my food plan today, and I feel better already. I got walking in with the dog, a half-hour both morning and evening. Lots of water (and herbal spice tea for when my stomach soured mid-afternoon). I even had hunger pangs today. *That* was weird to feel.

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | January 29, 2017

The Light that Shines Within

A friend of mine was recently moved by this, and I was moved in turn by it. Despite its November 2015 release (on Alessia Cara’s album Know-It-All), I think this has a message that it’s empowering to choose not to join program to get thin to please the world but to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy for ourselves:

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Posted by: innerpilgrimage | July 22, 2015


I have to be brutal today. Brutally honest with myself and with anyone who reads this who suffers from compulsive overeating disorder or is in relapse from her or his program.

I am absolutely flailing today. It’s as bad as it was before I walked in the door, though without the quick-fix delirium I used to have. I know this will take time to undo the damage I did to myself with food since I relapsed at the beginning of the year and simply gave up. Or maybe I relapsed earlier or later. See, I don’t really remember things too clearly right now.

I am in lost in the thick mental haze of compulsive eating today, and it is a horrible place to exist.

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