Posted by: innerpilgrimage | November 27, 2009

I Do Things Outside of Overeaters Anonymous, Even If It’s Been My Recent Focus

Days until my 40th Birthday: 18
Abstinence from Compulsive Eating: 1 Month, 12 days (43 days)

Holiday Eating Season Countdown: 36 days

      Ugh.I just spent 20 minutes or so fixing the “Days until my Birthday” portion of my journal. I got my day count off while I was visiting my friend, J—. Well, it’s fixed, so the day before my birthday will show 1 day until my 40th birthday.
      Yesterday, I finished my son’s camo scarf, and he’s been wandering around with the hat and scarf on since. I started my own hat and scarf set, and I think I really ought to put it aside and go buy some baby yarn and make one blanket-and-hat combo before I turn 40. I finished reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies two days ago.

      Yesterday, I was 15 discretionary calories from breaking abstinence (I had a slice of pumpkin pie), and that bothered me a lot. I like being around 100 calories away so that I don’t feel right on the edge. It was curious being so close to the edge after being so far away for most of November. I think I’ve gotten this close once before, yet that was 35 or so calories down. I think about how I would graze before I got to OA. And my reward, today, is that the pants I couldn’t zip three months ago has essentially no tummy over the waistband and the legs and lower toosh are loose out of the dryer. While I need more activity (I don’t really get up and about often, which is a serious problem), the food plan is really making a difference. Slowly but surely. Maybe a pound a week, but it’s going away.
      I’m considering finding a scale for a weigh-in within the next couple of weeks. I really want to be under 250 very badly. Very very badly, actually. It’s been a long time since I have been. Some day, I will be facing off with the 200-lb marker, looking at 202 and wanting so bad to see 199 on the scale. I’ve been there. I cried the day it happened, actually.
      This time will be different, however. I won’t have a promise that will be unfulfilled. And if it’s offered (which it won’t be), I won’t accept it. But these things don’t work like that in my family. Promises are meant to be broken by my parents and I am supposed to forgive it all. Which is why I married a man whose hang-ups are keeping promises and telling the truth (sometimes the unwelcome truth, but it’s TRUTH). He tries not to tell mean truths, though there are times when it just sneaks out. But some truths need to be told bluntly, and I often need to be bludgeoned with reality. Hence the 13 years of marriage as of March.
      Well, I am off to go buy yarn for a baby hat and a baby blanket. And maybe baby socks.

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Responses

  1. congrats on finishing your sons hat and scarf! i bet they are really cool. and big congrats on getting those pants on AND having them fit loosely!! such an amazing feeling. you should be very proud of yourself.


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