Posted by: innerpilgrimage | December 15, 2009

Lordy, Lordy! Look Who’s 40!

Abstinence from Compulsive Eating: 2 Months (61 days)

Holiday Eating Season Countdown: 18 days


      Last night, I went to my Monday meeting, and I had a great time talking about yesterday. Today’s exciting . . . it’s Zamenhof Day! One hundred ten years before I was born, a nice Jewish man who made up a language called Esperanto was born, too!
      And so was the Roman Emperor Nero!
      There is a long list of luminaries who were born on December 15, and to all of them still alive, I wish you a happy birthday. To those who are dead, well, I’m sorry you don’t get cake today.
      I made abstinence yesterday, and we’re out of the Belgian chocolates, finally (I probably had six or seven out of about thirty this time instead of twenty of thirty). We’re also nearly out of the peppermint sandwich cookies, and I put them aside for M—. Today is going to be a good day.
      As an interesting aside, I do not think I completed any of my Due By 40 list except go to a museum (I went to several in Tombstone, A.T.), but I did things more significant, I think. I joined OA in September and I’ve made abstinence for two months. I’m working at a charity (I’ll be going in tomorrow). I’ve made three hats for the homeless already–two crocheted and one on a knitting Jenny. I completed my goal of writing less than 50,050 words in November.
      Well, I am off to have an exciting day, courtesy of my sweet M—!

| * * * * * |

      Well that break took a bit to design . . .
      So, I went to the firing range with my husband, and I used a couple of Smith & Wesson .357 revolvers. My accuracy wasn’t as good as the last time I went shooting by myself, but I did all right. I fired two boxes of rounds, and I had a great time.
      Today, I have been really good about keeping on plan. I’m going out for dinner tonight at a place that does really good burgers and I want to make sure I have enough spare calories in my to be able to eat what I would like tonight. I’m thinking of a veggie burger with a side salad or the grilled fish. Hm. Yeah, I think I may choose a basic burger instead with the salad. I will see when I get there, I guess.
      I love my little food scale that M— gave me for my birthday. It’s really awesome. I opened my presents from my mother, and she sent me some stuff she got from Costco: organic lavender shampoo, a big bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Liquid Soap, and a wonderful quilted bag that I’m going to put my crochet projects in.
      At this point, I have a blinking pin and a light-up tiara with pink maribou around the brim that I have been wearing out so far today. I also got a coffee mug that says, “40: I Refuse To Grow Up” on it. I think I will be taking that to work as my cup for the next year or so.

| * * * * * |

      Dinner, unfortunately, was awful.
      We went to a place that has normally been wonderful, a burgers and brewed-on-site beer place. Some of my husband’s fries were still frozen and his veggie burger wasn’t very good. My son’s burger was rare in the middle. My burger was great, but the fruit in the fruit salad tasted like it had fermented. I threw up some when we got home. Yay.
      The server didn’t even wish me happy birthday. I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t wearing a blinking tiara with “Birthday Girl” and a “40!” pin on. Which I was. He just couldn’t be buggered to even mutter “Happy Birthday” . . . even after my husband told him it was my birthday.
      Never going back again. I cried in the car tonight.
      Well, at least I was abstinent today. It wasn’t hard. I didn’t want to be at that place for dessert. It wasn’t worth the calories, and I had a feeling I would have emotionally eaten what was put in front of me instead of enjoyed it.
      I’m just disappointed. It reminded me of how alone I am here sometimes. I miss my friends where I used to live. I know I am making new and wonderful ones, but that lull between . . . right at a milestone.
      Okay, it looks like we’re doing dinner again, since the guys didn’t eat their burgers because the salsa was rancid (another thing the server ignored). They just fed the dog the burger leftovers–happy birthday to our little doggie, who shares my birthday!–and we’re going to pizza for the boys and a bit of tiramisu for me for dessert.
      We’re turning this birthday around. It’s not going down in flames like this. HP give me strength not to have pizza until tomorrow (actually I’m okay, so it won’t be an issue).

| * * * * * |

      Well, the pizza place was full of reserved holiday parties, but the take-away pizza we got was gorgeous. I look forward to having it tomorrow for lunch. They wished me happy birthday, and the guy who did was really sweet, telling me I didn’t look 40 with the shock people tend to offer me.
      I’m not sure if they’re being polite, but people do seem surprised when I say I’m 40. My family tends to look young a long time (relative to real age), so maybe I got that fortunate set of genes. Oh, and the Pond’s Dry Skin Cream, which my mother used and my grandmother used, along with the cold cream for masks and removing make-up.
      In the end, M— is making me devil’s food cupcakes, no frosting and a perfect fit into my remaining discretionary calories. He has made this day perfect for me. My son was delighted I wore the tiara, and he hugged me when things went bad and wished me a happy birthday.
      I have a wonderful little family, made all the better by my OA family (Thank you love2eatinpa, Steve, and Charlie, too, for those great well-wishes!).
      My name is Jess, and I am a compulsive overeater. I think today was an Acceptance day, in retrospect. I needed to be challenged to remember who really matters in my life . . . and who I matter to.

       “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
      “Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my [food addiction], I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, p. 417 (from the story, “Acceptance was the Answer”)



  1. happy 40th! hope you have a great day, reveling in your newly found self.

  2. Have a great day and many more.

  3. Great stuff! Happy Birthday! I’m sorry I haven’t visited your blog until now… I’ll be forty soon… well, a year and a half, but I’m sure it goes fast. My whole life is a blur these days. 🙂

  4. Oh, and I added you to my blogroll.

  5. Happy 40th Birthyear!!!

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