Posted by: innerpilgrimage | April 1, 2010

I Suck at April Fool’s Day Pranks

      I started writing this very in-depth prank blog about making a stupid choice, and it didn’t even sound like me.

      No, it wasn’t a lie about losing abstinence. I just couldn’t get into this story, however. I just couldn’t. I felt guilty even putting it up, and considering it had to do with a celebrity issue and coincidental proximity. But I just couldn’t do it. So, no prank for y’all.
      Last night my sponsor led the home group, and we finished with the Seventh Step prayer, and I cried because I felt really connected with the dwindling group. In fact, that whole service resentment thing slid by the wayside when I did. I feel like I can take on more service right now.
      So I’m not. I have enough on my plate, so much so that there really is no place for food. It’s a good place to be.
      As a sponsor, I did snap to judgment on a person who had said something that unintentionally could have harmed my sponsee’s abstinence and recovery. After the facts came out, I see that the judgment was too quick, but I understood from an addict’s point of view that the one small side comment would be the burr, the sticking point. It’s interesting how compliments and actually constructive criticism can be pushed aside when a part of it is accidentally brutal.
      To me, honesty is a character asset; brutal honesty, a defect. It may come from a place of love, but if someone’s already had a wake-up call, it can only do damage. And if the person isn’t awake, it’s not going to wake them up. My sponsee is awake, aware, and working the spiritual. A realist, my sponsee knows her challenges. I consider someone working a 12-Step program is highly aware of them because we are prepared for revelations of what we would rather deny. But just like food addiction is misunderstood, I guess most of us misunderstand sensitivity to poorly-worded comments.
      So I will take this forward. I have no criticism for anyone else, only an awareness that I can choose not to indulge my brutal honesty. That I can be aware of my own character defect, so I may learn to speak kindly.
      My name is Jess, and I am a food addict. I am working my Seventh Step for as long as it takes until I am given the green light from my HP to start Step Eight. Practicing Step Seven, to me, allows me to really work that step–and in turn, let it work me.

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Responses

  1. Thanks for the post. I think you’re right about brutal honesty–a comment made to someone who is already awake changes and should change nothing. As the serenity prayer reminds us, we can only change the things we can, and I think you’re mindfulness of your own honesty will serve you well.

    Glad the meeting released some stuff, and that you feel at peace with your service load again. Remember, sharing your experiences with the blogging community is also a service to others trying to figure out their own journey.


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