Posted by: innerpilgrimage | June 29, 2010

A Spiritual Oasis

      Well, the drive went well and I made it to my destination safely. My friend was there and was delighted for me, as I hoped.

      I went to Bloomingdale’s and tried on a size 14 formal gown and it fit. I got to go to a beach community, and a very nice man shared his dinner with me and we talked for hours. I got to see the Pacific Ocean from a little cove, and it was wonderful. I also got to meet some amazing people. My Higher Power moved in my life in some wonderfully amazing ways, and I was given some enlightenment for my troubles.
      The unhappy point was trying to save an addict who is so deep in denial and compulsion that there was no saving him. It’s hard to see a person who hasn’t hit rock bottom. My friend wanted to help very much, and we both realized that maybe God, that addict’s Higher Power, moved through us to help as we could then encouraged us to move on.
      My friend is a very loving person, who wants to help people. The spiritual journey was lost on the addict, but not on me. I learned a lot about myself and what lines I draw when it comes to people who refuse to see their addiction. And I honestly don’t like being around people who aren’t present or at least aren’t trying to be present. The addict was a handsome guy, but the booze got in the way of the potentially attractive personality. His physical manifestation of self could not overcome the abuse of his soul. I just could not watch, and I was not at all attracted to this person (as I was worried I might be once he cleaned up his physical act).
      Like an addict, he started doing his footwork to maintain his addiction. At that point, I stepped in to protect my friend, who is progressing a spiritual path and is seeking to elevate his own soul. I realized that the person I was before is not entirely who I am now. And the sharp contrast of two people—my friend who is seeking recovery and that addicted guy living in delusion and denial—made my Higher Power’s message clear: You can only go so far. Just like I could not be saved by external forces on my life, no addict can. It is a personal journey one must take through their own dark night of the soul. When a person is willing to feel it to heal it, I will invest more. Otherwise, I will share the message I can of my own HP-driven recovery and then let it go. My Higher Power gave me that chance. I did what I think was my (well, and this guy’s) HP’s work. I exposed an option. I encouraged to a point. There’s nothing else external that can be done without pushing that person deeper into the addiction.
      Mundane-world solutions cannot fix spiritual problems. External sources cannot fix internal strife. I am a nice person, but I am nobody’s savior because I am only human. And even those people who, over the course of human history, have been considered “saviors” only put the message out. It is up to each of us to accept or reject that message while we seek our own spiritual path.
      My name is Jess, and I am what looks like a recovering, abstinent food addict. I have so much to take in, and I am looking forward to meeting more teachers I hope my Higher Power will thrust into my path. I am being given a gift of spiritual understanding, one which is exposing gifts I once found weaknesses. And I am realizing I do have a greater purpose. It may be small, but it is still a greater purpose.


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