Posted by: innerpilgrimage | August 27, 2010

A Day of Extremes, A Day of Serenity

      Despite the series of real life ups and downs today, I have had a particularly HP-driven day.

      My spouse was nearly driven off the road by a motorist on a cell phone. While he was not harmed (thank HP), the car sustained some damage which needs to be repaired. I ended up having to take him to a business appointment, and I was worried he would be late because I couldn’t find my car keys (which turned out to be lost in my purse, oddly enough). While I was in the area of town that the business appointment was at, I went to a place I attend a meeting at and arrived about 20 minutes before an OA meeting. So, I went to the OA meeting (it was a speaker meeting), and I may have found a new step sponsor for myself. Time will tell, but I am going to telephone the woman tomorrow and talk to her. If things work out, I think I may add a third weekly meeting.
      Although I was late picking up my spouse, our lunch together was really good. The service was amazing and after a disappointing meeting, his lunch turned out perfectly. The finishing touches on the birthday dessert I made turned out really well. (It’s not my birthday; I made it for a normal eater.) I went shopping for clothes, found nothing that fit that I liked, but I wasn’t bothered by it. I learned a lot about my spouse and I learned a lot about me and I think we grew in our relationship because of it.
      I telephoned a friend of mine and found out that the recent emergency appendectomy he had fixed a lot of other medical issues he had been dealing with for a few years, now. They were related to years of his appendix keeping him sick. He feels fantastic, upbeat, and is doing really well. I am so relieved, and I am so happy for him because the constant malaise and suffering that has completely wiped him out physically, spiritually, and emotionally has been lifted.
      Despite the things that would have sent me into a full addict-mind frenzy, I was okay. I was grateful for the opportunity to get to a meeting I would not have gone to without my HP’s guidance. I followed that instinctive gut-pull instead of denied it. Things did not turn out as well as I would have hoped, but they did turn out better than they could have. I was thankful for the health of the people I care about, I was thankful for the traffic being minimal so I could get my husband to his business appointment early then hit a meeting, I was thankful that the car wasn’t totaled and my husband was not hospitalized, I was thankful because–after a wretched morning–my husband’s lunch was better than he expected. Things were okay, today. I had feelings, and it was hard to say, “Okay, I’m feeling sad and it’s okay because someone I care about had a sucky day” and it was hard to admit, “Okay, I feel inappropriately guilty and am trying to control something I have no control over, and that’s not from a place of recovery.” I felt real feelings and I felt addict feelings, and the real feelings were validated and the addict feelings were worked through until I could release them to my Higher Power through the reason of recovery.
      I had a good day in recovery, and my abstinence is showing it. I’m not resentful or fighting my food plan. Today, despite the very real unpleasantries of life, was well-adjusted.
      My name is Jess, and I am a food addict. Today was a good day in recovery, and I am thankful.

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