Posted by: innerpilgrimage | October 26, 2010

Anorexia and Bulimia 2: I’m Going to Do What Service I Can

      I keep getting bulimics and anorexics coming to the site to find more on anorexia and bulimia in OA. The previous post is actually my most-read post since I wrote it.
      So, I’ve decided I want to honor that by asking my home group to serve that need–and I will do what I can to lead, even though I do not know the way.

      While I did not find anything online which says it focuses on anorexia or bulimia, I did find a phone meeting (Group #55068) which meets on Saturdays at 1 p.m. CST. It’s not perfect, but at least it’s something, right?
      As for face-to-face meetings, I can only hope the local region the people (who are seeking relief from the effects of the eating disorder addiction) has one. I expect the closer one gets to one of the U.S. coasts, the more likely it is.
      For my home group (well, and my other group), I’m going to ask if we can do an anorexia/bulimia-focused meeting once per month. We have members who face anorexia and bulimia, and I am not only willing to lead the meeting, I am more than happy to bring materials which address it so we can discuss the topic.
      It was hard enough to go in the room when I had the prevailing illness in the room. Fighting anorexia and bulimia must be equally terrifying. To want to stop, to have society treat you like you’re fine because you look “normal” . . . that must be awful when one enters the rooms and hears the stories of people who eat incessantly when denial is your addiction. Or perhaps the pain of knowing the binge mentality yet fighting constantly not to purge.
      I have been known not to eat for many reasons . . . uninterested, wanting to lose weight faster. I have been known to purge for many reasons . . . frightened, out-of-control, wanting to be thin again. While my anorexia and bulimia were always temporary, that need to control my relationship with food was at the core. I ate what I wanted when I wanted it, just like I denied myself and reveled in the pain, just like I ate what I wanted then pushed my anxiety so hard just to get what I felt was garbage out of me.
      I hope what I do helps in some small way. I hope that either group I belong to considers adding anorexia and bulimia to their monthly roster. And I hope that when I go to intergroup next month, I have the courage from my HP to present the very real need for our intergroup to address anorexia and bulimia at a meeting set apart for anorexics and bulimics.
      This isn’t just about compulsive overeating. This is about thriving after the disease of addiction has cut us down.
      My name is Jess, and I am a food addict and a sex and love addict, anorexic. While my anorexia (and binge-purge) is sex-and-love-related, I think I am beginning to understand what the very real experiences other people who have compulsive relationships with food feel like. As I am frustrated by what’s lacking, I appreciate what is available.
      Something needs to be made available, and I’m going to do it in my area . . . even if I have to start a new meeting to do it.

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