Posted by: innerpilgrimage | November 21, 2010

Natural Child, Inner Child

Holiday Eating Season Countdown: 42 Days

      Do you know how hard it is to get in touch with an inner child when you’ve tried to avoid it for so long?

      Today, I have the responsibility of setting up a meeting room and leading a meeting. My day is focused on that. I don’t want to be late because people are relying on me, but I am also a bit saturated with program right now. My HP is telling me it’s time to relax, to let the program do its magic with what I’ve learned so far. It’s just really hard to!
      I did get some time in to play a game. Part of what I’m learning about my inner, or “natural”, child is that the games I play with the childlike wonder have no sexual component to them whatsoever.
      There’s something special about removing myself from that kind of thing. The recapture of that time before puberty, before I was introduced to human sexuality is precious to me. I am just me. I don’t have to think about earning approval or the price I would have to pay for it. I am free of the fretfulness. I am in serenity when I play.
      I have a bunch of craft supplies which need to be made into things. Shiny glass and stone beads wait to be strung on nylon cord and on hemp. Small blank canvases beg to be covered in the colors I loved. My sewing machine longs to make a quilt or blanket or even clothing for me, a life-sized model I can finally dress up how I want. A kitchen trash sack worth of yarn waits to be turned into hats and scarves. I have so much to do and time to do it–in just for today bites.
      Today, I got a comment from another wordpress blogger. Her journey is not food-related, but I strongly believe in the nature of unity in all 12-Step programs. Our drugs of choice come from our personal experiences. The program, however, is the same for all of us. And I want to express this. Tasiasmama has a different addiction affliction than I, but we work the same 24 hours. Addiction knows no limits in terms of how it gets us into the doors of that club. When we walk into a meeting room, we learn to accept we can’t tear up that membership card–but we don’t have to use it.
      As we enter the most stressful time of year, I think all of us must be mindful of its effect on our emotional health. This is the time of year to get out of ourselves and get into life. Yesterday’s hopes and hurts need to stay in yesterday. If we fall into the pain of regretting our past life, we fall into our character defects. When we practice character defects with abandon, it’s only time before the addiction settles in.
      Take care of yourself, and I’ll take care of myself. Together we get better.
      My name is Jess, and I am a food and love addict. Those were the addictions I grabbed hold of–my character defects pushed away many others. Now, with recovery, I am going sane. That’s a wonderful way to live.



  1. Hi Jess,
    I wasn’t expecting to get recognition from you in this submission, but it’s the one I chose to read so thank you, But what I really wanted to say is I agree with the inner child, but sometimes it takes effort on our part to release that part of us. I am having a birthday party/slumber party on Saturday night. There are going to be between 5-10 women in the age ranges of 23-56 attending and it’s gonna be fun. Ice cream, cake, spaghetti, movies and women bonding for an entire night. However, I had to send several reminder texts, get a cake, i still have to clean the house after Thanksgiving day and decorate and cook the spaghetti. Yet, the rewards and benefits of this inner child night are going to outweigh the preparation steps it is taking to make sure it goes off without a hitch. I haven’t been to a sleepover since I was in high school, as I’m 38 there’s quite a gap but I remember enjoying it. If we can’t have fun when were recovering from something, no matter what it is, it’s like what’s the effort for? My inner child said party and I said ok the adult part of me is taking care of all the responsibilities so when the party comes the inner child can enjoy herself.

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