Posted by: innerpilgrimage | February 10, 2011

Powerless: A Lesson in Humility, Not Humiliation

      I just had an HP moment as I prepared to sit down and figure out what I’m going to do about something that is not only throwing up resentments all over the place, it’s causing me emotional binge trigger moments.
      What’s worse is that it’s OA-related.

      I was the only experienced person at meeting again. I have no newcomer packets, no OA 12&12s, nothing. And I just realized that I need to get that inventory back up at my home group, so I am going to put the order into the OA website for my home group because it’s just not being maintained and I am feeling the strain of powerlessness and the desire to control something totally out of my control. But I can do footwork, and that will be enough.
      I need to call a newcomer who missed meeting last night. I need to contact several people, actually. I’m kind-of in a position where self-imposed social isolation has left me yet again bereft and lost and out of my recovery mindset. I haven’t really gotten a chance to purge my recent events in my life at meeting. I really need to, and I am finding I am at a loss and my abstinence is at risk because of it.
      Ugh, I want to write more, but I have to take recovered action. So, I am on my way to make today a day in recovery, doing footwork instead of avoiding it. Maybe hit a meeting today, one I’ve not been to yet.
      For now, for today, for my recovery from food obsession.
      My name is Jess, and I am a food addict and approval addict and an anorexic in both programs. I don’t have much to say more than that, besides the fact that I am going to do my best to make progress today instead of fight to control something completely out of my control.

@>—–>———-

      I just let go. I’m waiting on another person to pick it up. I can’t keep trying to control this, which I see, now, I keep doing.
      Definitely need a meeting tonight or tomorrow. This is getting to be overwhelming.

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